Jokes of the Supreme

Uma is very happy, it looks. Though she said a few words of consolation to me, I know she don't really mean that . After all, she is a lady. It's not surprising. Remember ? I told you once.. "four boobs never match..". That's why Remani's exit is a joy for Uma.

I had one of the most painful and disappointing experiences of my life last day. My "in-person" , and more of my "in-lady" is not with me now. Remani left me yesterday, for Bangalore, to join her son there.

I hope I told you that Remani's son (senior) got a job there. He wanted his mother to be with him. He is now capable enough to look after his mother.

Remani's son called me two weeks back. He asked me whether he can take his mother with him. Oh God, what else can I answer, but to say "Yes..Yes..". Infact, Remani was not too happy, as she has to leave me. But you know, the rules are not that way. She has to go with her son. How can she be with me for long, when she is "no one "to me. So, I asked Remani to prepare for leaving me.

Following days were quite tense for me . I could n't digest that I am left alone. But you know.. I've to live with the situations. Afterall, I am not inclined to trouble anyone. I wish a better life for Remani, than I could give her. But she knows well what difference it makes between her choices.

After two days, Remani agreed that she will join her son. She said she is not at all happy, but is leaving on two accounts.
It's her son calling.
It's me advicing her to join her son.
That was enough for her to decide positive on her shift. Next day I did arrange for her travel. I entrusted Pai to arrange for ticket, new cloths, and so on. Infact I wanted her to fly to Bangalore. But she insisted for a train journey.

Yesterday was, incidently, Edavam 1. Pai took her to the temple, early in the morning. On her return, Remani came to me, and sat with me, on my bed, for quite sometime. She didn't utter a word, nor I could. we exchanged our emotions through the eyes. But that was much more vibrant and meaningful than anything else. I could read her mind well, and may be she did that tto on my mind. She told me "I'll return shortly ..." . But I don't expect she could do that.

And she left by train in the afternoon. I did not go to the Railway Station to see her off. Frankly, I avoided the moment of farewell. I was afraid... I may cry.

But I did that at home. The whole of the day I was weeping... may be tears got dried up. But the 'liquid gold' saved me from a crash. Thanks to Pai for my stock of that sacred drink.

Pai returned to me in the evening. He too looked dull. I know , my feels are for him too. He always is empathetic. Pai stayed with me in the night too. He didn't want me to be left alone, and thats why he refused to return home that night.

Today, I decided to come out of my worries. So, I decided to have my routines as usual. Pai, however, managed to get me my essentials. That's how I am in my office now. Ionia was here a few minutes back. But I couldn't tell her any joke. May be I'll do that tomorrow. And you know, the life itself is a joke. The joke of the ultimate joker ! The supreme power ! And we are all pawns in the hands of this supreme joker.

Two heads and four boobs (രണ്ട് തലയും നാല് മുലയും )

Uma is not very happy with my decision to put Remani with me here. I could get the message over her voice.
I told you last day, that since Remani’s sons are away for their livelihood, Remani would be lonely at her home. At my instance, and with the full agreement of her sons, Remani is now living with me. (She’s let out her house for rent). Yesterday, (Sunday), she shifted her stay to my home. Now she is my full time care-taker ! (I don’t get any other word to explain her). She was my care taker for day time, till last Saturday, and over the last four years.

If you wonder who this Remani is, I request you to scan through some of the earlier posts, where I made my innocent revelations. And about our relationship.
Remani’s my love from my age of 19 (she at her 15). She lived with my grand mother for over 7 years (I was only a frequent visitor to my Grand mother). She was certainly not a servant girl (assistant to my GM), but was a part of our family. At my age of 22 (she at her 18), I left the place to newer pastures, to earn my own livelihood (and to become free !). Those three years, Remani had been my heart-throb, and ‘everything’. But for external actions (softwork), I never had any extreme mischievous acts (hardwork) with her.
After many years, when she left my GM’s home, she told me … in our den … that she’ll be mine a day…. But ‘destiny’ played a lot .. all mischievous and sometimes cruel .. .. and many unexpecteds happened … and she did not become mine. But after a few years more, she became mine … but not fully. She was mine all along mentally. But not physically mine. I remember, she promised me at many instances .. “I’ll be your’s .. one day ..”.
And that day is now here. That’s just yesterday. Remani became mine, in its full sense. But … there are still some strings attached … it’s all with thorns..
Uma’s not happy with Remani’s return. For she knows that Remani is more ‘mine’, than her. Uma is quite smart, to realize that my innocent relationship with her may not last longer, for I don’t have any rights over Uma. That’s what exactly happened now. The innocent relationship, starting with a ‘stiff saree tip’ has grown into a multidimensional life. Something which never can be turned back, or forgotten. Uma is certainly aware of the weak elements in this innocent relationship. May be that’s why she herself is playing a game of delayed tactics. But I am still hopeful, and is expecting the continued flow of relationship. That’s why all these revelations !
Another point I get struck in my mind is the old saying “randu thala cherum, naalu mula cherilla’ { രണ്ട് തല ചേരും, നാല് മുല ചേരില്ല }. That’s true. Women are jealous … they don’t like other women to enter their personal zones. That’s the case with Uma too. She won’t like Remani to come any closer to me. But Uma’s well aware that Remani, by default, is in my innermost.
Uma went home, on her summoned by her father, a few days before the developments with Remani. So, Uma’s also aware that it’s not any my game plan. May be that the destiny decided all these. Calling Uma back home, and then calling Remani in here. I am not a party to these happenings. It just happened. That’s why all these innocent revelations.

Changes in life

Uma is yet to comeback. I don't know when that will happen. It's quite fuzzy about the future. Come what may, is the attitude now. What else can I say now ?
The point is that I am not in a position to command over her. Though Uma may expect me to do so, how can I do that ? After all, who is she to me ? My ? .. I don't know. For the rest of the world, though it's not a convincing answer. This is where I am getting stuck. I can't give a firm "do it" to Uma , Vasu or Padma. That's why I am patiently waiting for the next turn.

On Wednesday evening, I talked to Vasu. I adviced him to be practical. And that getting a job these days is very tough. So, having a job, and that too with me (where she enjoys freedom and status !) is no silly matter. I told him that the position is kept reserved for Uma, and I am waiting for her to return. I told him "Vasu, ... in her matters, I am equally responsible .. as you.. ". I think Vasu didn't get my exact message. However, he said "yes...yes... ". But the problem is Padma. She somehow wants to keep Uma away from me.

In the meantime something good is happening here. Remani will be my full time family member here. I told you earlier, that she lives with two of her sons, and spends the whole day-time here. It's just a bit away from my home. The first boy is already away and the second one is now leaving for his job (he breaks his studies, on getting a job). Remani is not left alone, and should not. So, she'll join me in a week's time. Her house will be rented out. With this, Remani will be a FULL member of my home. I am too happy about that. Afterall, she's my Remani !
And Remani too is quite happy about this. She, just at the hint of my decision, agreed to. She brought her sons last day to me. They too are happy. The boys are happy about maintaining the family relationship, closely. They are too concerned about their loving mother, and they want her to be safe and happy. That's why the younger one said "Maamma, Amma ... has no other preferences ... but to be with you here ... that's the best .. for all of us ..".

I smiled and said "yes Ramu.... I am happy dear ... Thank God, you took the right decision".

Interactions of the intimate kind

Uma continued to interrupt me, with her questions. But I stopped her from interrupting me. And I continued my narration of my experiences with Remani ... and so it went on.

I continued to visit my home regularly, twice a month. My visits were mostly aimed at meeting Remani. However, I could not make any intimate interactions with her. But I used to talk to her. My GM was sick those days, and was not active as she used to be a couple of years back. My interactions with Remani was solely of chats, and I remember how warm our chats were. At the kitchen, at the dining, and in the courtyards. I could feel the warmth even now ! She was so nice a girl.. so loving… caring.. and extremely nice to me. She had a special attention to my personal needs. And by this time, Remani was the master of the house, as other family members were out of that place for work or for other reasons. Remani was solely looking after my GM , and the home.

A few years later, (sometime in 1977) , my frequency of visits diminished. Even if I’m there at home, I didn’t get enough opportunities to interact with Remani. Other family members – my mother, brother, uncle, or someone else - were the deterrents. During the end of that year (must be the Christmas holidays ?), I reached home on an evening. My GM was sick and was lying in her room. Remani was there, taking care of GM’s needs.

I sat with my GM for sometime, and went for a bath. When I returned after the bath, Remani was reciting Keerthans , in front of the Nilavilakku. She didn’t care me even. I went to my room, started reading the Malayalam magazines (which my uncle subscribes to). May be at around 8 pm, Remani came and called for dinner. I went in to the dining and found Remani waiting for me with Kanji and ancilliaries (chutney, pappadom, payar thoran, manga pickle .. wwhhaaaa what a tasty food… that too with Remani’s kaippunyam !). While I was with my Kanji, Remani stood opposite to me .. and chatting. I was asking her about GM and other household details. She was very pleasant and answering my queries. My attention went into her details. She was wearing a long paavaada and a blouse. The blouse was not that long, but just a little up her waist. A bit of her belly was visible. She had her hair put up and tied at the back of her head (as used to be by the ladies while at home). She was wearing a few ‘kuppy valakal’. She stood leaning back on the wall, as she talked to me. My eyes were massaging her all over… she must have got my message.. may be that she smiled and nodded her head in negation (meaning don’t look at me so ..). On finishing my kanji, I woke up and walked out to the wash. The wash area was poorly lit, as the light there was not put on . I washed and turned back. Remain was just behind me with the plates.. for her to wash them. She waited for me to move away and give way for her. But I stopped in front of her.. and looked at her eyes. A few moments passed and then I pulled her close to me . In the rapid action, the plates fell down.. with loud metallic sound. I pulled her close and embraced her. She was trying to pull out .. as she was scared .. of Gm.. and the sound..

“What’s there ?” GM asked from her room. “Nothing… the plates fell from my hands.. nothing… I’ll wash and come now … “ said Remani a bit loud to my GM. We both stood there waiting for any further query from GM. But nothing followed… and I pulled her again and embraced.. and kissed her all over her face.. on the forehead.. on the nose..on the cheeks ..the ears.. and the lips. Deep kisses.. my tongue ploughed into her mouth and she too bit my lips. My hands were fondling her tight boobs … I tried to remove her blouse.. she said “no… ammoomma…” But I managed to remove one pin from her blouse front.. and my hand went in the blouse… she had the bodice (not the bra ) .. I caught her boobs over the bodice.. and tried to untie her bodice. The knot is between the boobs.. but she declined to untie.. and the kissing went on.. for some time....embraced. For these few minutes.. we both were forgotten ourselves.. and so hot… my hands were searching her butts.. I could feel her thaar inside and the knot at the back. I tried to pull up the paavaada.. slowly I lifted the paavaada with my right hand.. holding her with my left hand.. slowly it raised and I could access her thaar.. I caressed her thaaar front and tried to finger her slits. The thaaar was so tight, I couldnot enter my fingers.. I went in for the rear knot..it was very difficult to remove the knot.. and the thaar flap fell down….

“Remaniiii….” Oh..GM is calling.. we were shocked to hear that call.. Remani suddenly released herself from my grip.. and said “Yes..coming ammoomma..”.

She said to me “Go..” and she went in to the kitchen. I walked away through the verandah .... to my room..

The whole night I was dreaming of playing with Remani.

Remani - girl with traditions

Uma was keenly listening me. I continued my story of the girl with traditions.

Remani has always been a girl following traditions. She went on well with GM. She did all, the way GM wanted. That’s quite natural, as Remani was from a Nair family and she knew all the cultural values and systems to follow. This was a very key factor, why my GM liked her, and vice versa.
Remani used to wear long Paavada and long blouse, at home. When she goes out, she used to have a half-saree too. Inside the paavada, while at home, she used to have the thaar. And when going out, she used to have the knicker. However, for temples, she’ll have the thaar for sure.
I remember, during my later visits home, I used to pick up her thaar thorth and knickers, from her room. I loved them, and enjoyed its smell. Once I took (stole) one thaar mundu (worn and put for washing in the bath room) and brought to my place (a lodge at that time). I could take out that great gift (which I stole) everyday, and enjoy its erotic fragrance. Hhaaaaa…. Remani’s exotic fragrance ! ( I’ve thrown away that thaar mundu, only just before my marriage ).
Remani invariably takes bath early morning, and an evening body wash. She wears very clean cloths, and usually puts a chandanakkury on her forehead. This is not done, only when she is ‘out’ with her periods (theendary).
Remani was not a beautiful girl, but just looks good. Her body was.. Ok .. just shaped…. But had a heavy boobs and a fairly flat butts, though very wide.
My visit home frequented. I think my GM could sense my attaraction to Remani. However, she did not make any mention on such things.
After a few weeks (months ?), I had a very interesting encounter with Remani. By this time, we were like close friends, and my family members didn’t suspect anything bad in our close movements. After all, she was our family member by that time.
One Sunday, when I went to the bath room (outside), Remani was in. Actually, I didn’t know she is there. But, surprisingly, when I pushed the door of the bath room, it opened and I entered. Remani was standing shocked .. and with her paavaada held over to cover her body. She was changing her dress for bath. Unexpected, I too was perplexed. However, I got control over the situation… A few minutes passed by.. she was looking at me.. and my eyes roaming all over her. Slowly, I caught her, pulled her close.. and embraced. The paavaada she was holding fell down.. Oh god.. she had only her thaar , that too untied. I caught her close.. pressed her boobs.. and my fingers were searching for her thighs and slit. She held my hand.. and said “venda chetta… enikku pediyaakunnu… “ She looked frightened.. I was almost shivering… I could not resist my sexual temptations.. However.. I could not do anything more.. She pushed me slowly… and I came out of the bath room.. and walked to the verandah.
After a few minutes, she came out after her bath.. and walked into her room.. presenting a sweet smile and shy.. Infact, she was running into the room, after a pause in front of me. GM was in the kitchen.. and that saved both of us.

Remani's story; mine too

Uma, last day, reminded me to tell Remani’s story. I told her it’s not only Remani’s story, but mine too. She reminded me that I told her about my vacation in which I first met Remani.

I hope you remember that I’ve been trying to tell you ‘Who is Remani to me ?’ May be I didn’t answer that fully. But I remember that I told you ..”Remani is my inner person’.I shall tell you more.

The next week, I took a day’s leave and reached home on Friday night. My grandma was surprised as to why I came in, uninformed. I told my ammoomma(GM), that I am on a tour from Monday, and so thought of visiting her the previous days. And so, I’m here. My uncle and brother were at their job places. So, Ammoomma had only Remani with her.

Saturday morning onwards, all my senses were tracking the kitchen and Ammoomma’s room. My eyes and ears were searching for Remani. At around 11 AM, I saw Remani going to the bath room near our well (no attached bath rooms those days). Ammomma was in the kitchen, and she frequently came out to the verandah to chat with me; So, I couldn’t move out. After a few minutes, Remani came after her bath, through the verandah, to her room. She smiled at me while going in, and I responded. I was looking for a gap, and when Ammoomma went in to the kitchen next time, I moved out to her room. There I saw, she was putting her bindies, and eye lining(kanmazhi) , holding a mirror in her hand. I stood in front of her… smiled.. and asked her..”did you apply powder.?”. “No”, she said . I took the powder tin, and put some powder into my left palm. With my right palm, I started applying the powder on to her face.. cheeks.. forehead.. and then on to the neck. Smelling a rat (must be), she pulled back and said “No..I’ll do it myself ..”. I moved again forward and started putting powder on her neck and .. suddenly she pushed me back, and walked out of the room. By this time, I knew Ammoomma must be coming out to the verandah. I heard her talking to Remani.. asking her to wipe the powder well..”ee penninu onnum arinjukooda “… I walked in to the verandah. And the chat went about Remani .

Ammoomma told me more about Remani. She is from a poor family. Her mother is no more and lived with her two siblings, and with her father. Her father is a coolie kind of casual labourer. Being difficult to meet both ends meet, Remani was sent, after her 10^th class, at the age of 14, to us for household work with my Ammoomma. As I told you earlier, my Ammoomma always needed a personal attendant. And Remani was so placed. Over a few months, she became our family person. Remani was a very nice girl, she took everyone into confidence, and she moved with all very nice.. just as a family member, and not as a servant girl. I remember, during the next Onam, my Ammoomma gave her a gold chain, though small. She has been wearing that chain all along her stay with us .

That day, as I told you, all my senses were behind Remani. Somehow, I wanted Remani’s company.. I wanted to see her.. I wanted to talk to her.. I wanted her ! But, GM’s presence failed me from gaining access to her. The next day, early morning, may be around 5.00 AM (my GM’s wakeup time) , I heard Remani and GM talking . I understood that Remani was sleeping with GM, and is next to my room. There’s a window between these rooms (Old design homes have many such windows; opening to another room.. Yes !).

GM then went to the bath room, near the well. Remani was alone in that room. I woke up and went in to that room. Seeing me, Remani was shocked.. She said “enta chetta… kaappi aayilla… “ and looked at me a bit frieghtened. I said.. “njaan ninne kaanaan vannathaa.. pedikkanda..” I slowly moved to her, caught her arms…and tried to embrace her. She slowly moved back.. saying “venda chetta.. and with a pause said “Ammommayodu parayum..” That was a threat for me. But I was a bit daring. I moved foreward, caught her.. embraced her and kissed on her cheeks..” I was afraid.. If GM returns now.. I’ll be caught.. ayyo… and I went back to my room. The first personal contact … the first kiss.. though not on her lips !

Remani - our family member

Uma sent me off for the walk. Remani came running in, telling me that she wants to leave early. I told her to stay back, until I return after the walk. Suddenly I realised that, by that time  it would be dark .. Remani would find it difficult to go back alone. So, I said ' Ok, you go, and send your son here early morning'. The message was clear.. she said 'Yes'. I went off for the walk.

When I returned by 7 , Uma was reciting keerthanas sitting in front of the Nilavilakku. And Remani too was with her, chanting keerthans with Uma. As I entered, Remani got up and went to the kitchen. Uma continued her chanting. I sat in the sitout, with a magazine, and Remani came in with a cup of black coffee. To my raised eye-brows, Remani said "He'll come here by 8 ",  meaning that his son would come and take her up home.  I gave the bunch of currency I had with me (which I took from the ATM).  She accepted the bunch and looked at me.  I smiled and said "It's there.. .. more than you need now. Tell me if you want something more". She didn't respond .. just stood for a few moments and walked into the kitchen. I went up, to my room.  I had my nineth sense* woke up. I called "Umaaa... ", forgetting that she is with her keerthanas. In a few minutes, Remani came in. "Enta chetta ?" she asked. "Give me a bottle of cold water ... or ...  is Aappy* in the fridge ?" I asked. She said yes, and went down the stairs. 

After a few minutes, Uma came in -- oh.. she had finished her prayers-- with a bottle of Aappy. She went to the cupboard and tookout a glass and the liquid gold. She poured a dose, and filled with Aappy. She took the glass, had a sip, and gave me.. smiling.. her glowing teeths brightened my heart. 

"Entaa.. onnu veno ?" I asked joking. "Vendaa Maamma .. innu venda .." she said and sat on the chair. I changed my dress, and got into the lungi (and nothing inside). Showing Uma to come out, I went to the balcony and sat there. Uma followed me , with my glass. 

We were chatting on many things.. household and other.  Slowly, as expected, the topic came in .. 'Remani'. Then it was all Remani for some time.. I 've narrated my chapter on Remani.

It was in early 1973. I was at my work place. On a weekend, I reached my tharavaadu. Only my mother and grand mother were living there at that time, as all our other family members were at their respective work places, including my brother. As I entered the verandah, my grand- mother was sitting on the floor (on a paaya), and with a girl beside her. My Gmother was very happy about my arrival, and then she introduced the girl to me. "Remani...  ival Vaikkathuninnanu.. Kurachu divasamayi vannittu..."  I looked at the girl .. an average looking girl --she 's not a beauty.. but good looking.. short and lean.. not very fair.. with a paavada and long blouse. She smiled at me.. when I too smiled at her.. she turned her face.. and got busy doing pan for my Gmother.

Remani was brought from Vaikom, for assisting our GMother .. something like a personal attendant. She's from a poor family.. Nair (else my Gmother won't agree).. and studied only upto 10th.  Her hather is well known to my father, and works as a coolie at their place. 

Over the years, Remani became our family member. She's there for everything and anything. She managed all our household work.. that too alone. She was no more a servant, she was one among our family members. Even after the death of my Gmother, Remani continued with us... and she is a family member, none of us could think different. She assisted everyone.. and me whenever I am at home on leave.

During that year, (1773) in the month of September, I took a week's leave and reached home.  Yeah.. it was Onam vacation. 

{ *  Nineth sense : it's my reference to 'the thirst for a drink'  and  Eighth sense is the thirst for Sex ! }

Remani : My darling ?

Uma asked me many times.. Who is Remani to me ? Just my home maid ? Family friend ? Or, is there something more to it ? I've been trying to avoid answering them. But why? May be that I am concerned over the fact that I am not too sure how Uma would take that. But, right from the beginning, Uma is well aware that Remani is so special to me. The special relationship is undefined to her. Yes, I have a very special relationship to Remani.

Uma posed this question yesterday evening too. She however got a firm idea, from my deeds, though I didn't answer her in words. I am also aware that Uma keeps a close watch on all my transactions with Remani. (That's feminine !).

Yesterday evening, Remani came to me with a cup of tea (special !) and talked to me. She has a problem at home, as regards her son. She wanted some money to put her son in the College. Even without her asking me, I told her to go ahead. Whatever money is required for his admission, is available. 'Go ahead, I'll give you', I said. Remani was silent for a few moments.. she was happy. Moreover, she said she won't be coming here today (that's on Wednesday), as she has to go to the College for the admission process. I asked Uma to remind me take some cash, in the evening (when I go for a walk, as planned) and take care of the matters. Uma was wonderstuck, on the way I accepted all Remani's requests and requirements. This is not the first time. Everytime Remani comes to me, I immediately give her what she wanted. 

Why do I do that ? Why ? That's why Uma asked me again 'Who is Remani to you?'. "I shall tell you.. come to me after my (evening) walk". "Ooommm ... " she replied. I got ready for my walk, and went out. Ofcourse Uma reminded me to take my ATM card.

We are our problems

Uma was waiting for me. I could reach home only by 2.30 pm (I am talking about Tuesday). I went straight to the dining, for lunch. She joined me on the table. We had lunch (Rice, sambar, rasam, more, achaar.. what else !). She was sitting quiet, but looking at me frequently, as if waiting for me to open the talk, but quite impatient. “Uma , why are you so dull ? “ I asked. “You are not telling me anything.. I am scared” she said. “For what? “ I continued. “What will they feel ?” she put an incomplete question. I got her mind, and decided to give her a comforting answer. She is confused and scared as to whether her father and kunjamma would sense our ‘intimate interactions’.

With a pause, I told her : “When they are here, behave very cautiously. Keep a distance when you talk to me, and transact the least. Rest you leave to me. I’ll take care.”.

She was listening to me, looking at my face. “Don’t be afraid of anyone. You are a mature and bold girl. And you already made up your mind about how you want to be yourself”. She looked more confused. So, I put in a question to her. “Uma, are you thinking of a marriage ?”. “No, I’ll be with you Mamma for ever” she quickly replied.

“If you have made up your mind, then its fine. But you have a bright future, with marrying someone.. and settling” I said, blunt at her. “No. maamma, you promised me to be with me… for ever… then why all this talk?” She was hurt it looked. “That’s still and for ever right. But your father should not know this now. And that’s what exactly important now”.

We continued our analysis of the immediate problem. We took a final resolution to be “ being just a Maammen to her and being the niece to me”. We finished our chat, and I got up to the wash. Suddenly, Uma asked me “will Remany chechi create any problem.. in her words.. or ..”. “No, I’ll talk to her.. to be very cautious ... she is my lady you know well !”.

In the evening, I went to the kitchen, looking for Remani. She was in the courtyard, watering the plants. I went to her. “Entaa chetta….” she was so sweet in welcoming me there. I talked to her about our domestic matters and about her personal matters. And ofcourse about the guests and Uma’s concerns.

neither Uma, nor anyone of you know Remani. True.. Remani is my first love ! She came to my family as a home maid, at the age of 14; when I was 19. Our love life was with many tornadoes, and earthquakes.. and hide and seek. Destiny didn’t allow us to be together, for many years.. But the same destiny made us together since the last four years. But not as life partners. Remani knows me well, and I know her well too. She knows everything about me … and even my relationship with Uma. She loves me so much, and takes even my sins. I am Remani’s guardian now.

I am sure, regarding Uma’s concerns, Remani won’t make any problem at all. And I confirmed that with Remani. However, I reminded her to be very cautious in her talk and interactions with the guests.

See how we create our own problems. Problems are within us !

Oh.. they are coming …. Vasu and his wife.